Starting Week Fourteen

Hi Clover!  You're 13 full weeks tomorrow, so let's talk about week 14.  Your brain will begin sending impulses that let you squint, grimace, frown, pee (your kidneys are working!), and suck your thumb.  You're growing to 3.5-4 inches and will weigh 1.5-1.8 ounces.  By the end of the week, your arms will be in proportion with the rest of your body.  Your liver's making bile and your spleen is helping to make red blood cells.  You are moving a lot more, and it's more coordinated now.  We love you very much.

Well, I'm still very tired.  The house isn't clean, the books aren't read, the projects aren't made, the exercise isn't done.  But I have no energy to get it done.  I want to come home from work, play a little with my daughter, make and eat some food, put daughter down to sleep, and lay on the couch watching TV with Jared.  I also still get queasy and dry heave when I cough or brush my teeth.  And my round ligament pain can be killer.  But at least the other symptoms are gone!

We did not find out this week if Clover is a boy or a girl.  Results might be in on Monday.  I'm anxious to know!  In my heart of hearts, I want another girl, and Jared wants a boy.  I haven't asked, but I'd bet my parents and Jared's parents both want me to have a boy.  And I know the drill now.  I wanted a boy, I was disappointed to learn I'd have a girl, then I grew to love my girl (extra points because she's NOT girly).  Now I want another girl.  If I learn I'm having a boy, I'll be disappointed, but I know I will get over it.

I've been preoccupied with Angel today.  Not even sure why.  She'd be 2 years 9 months now, so no particular anniversary.  But I do miss her a lot.  As much as I love Kathryn and I'm excited about Clover, Angel is always my first.  I will always love her and never forget her.  Sometimes it feels like others are rolling their eyes at me, at how I give her such importance.  I don't care.  She was my baby; she lived and she died.  My loss is just as real as if a child was born, grew, and then died.

I'm thankful that the Lord restores what He takes away.  I'm mindful of the hurt His plan can include.  I'll never claim to understand why He chose to take Angel from us.  But that's where faith takes over.  He promises to make all things new.  Praise the Lord.